I should have just had the baby.
The following is a list of all the things I have had the pleasure of cleaning up (either chewed up, vomited or pooped out) since we got this delightful ball of fluff.
1 pincushion with pins (no, Chris, I am NOT Rainman, I DO NOT know exactly how many pins were in it to know if he swallowed any)
17 hair combs
5 hair brushes
2 toothbrushes (I found him chewing on Chris's once, but it wasn't very damaged so I just put it back in the holder)
1 piece of pegboard
3 handmade dog beds
4 beach towels
2 kitchen rugs
1 Ravens jacket (Chris was kinda pissed about that one)
2 little girls dresses
1 hot curl roller
3 hair clips
58* diapers/pull-ups (used only, he won't chew clean ones) * number approximated
3 pairs of girls panties
2 pairs of boys underwear
6 bags of trash
1 newly planted shrub
1 sand bucket
1 Frisbee
2 playground balls
1 whiffle ball bat (which he amusingly got his teeth briefly stuck in)
1 dog collar
5 children's paintings (actually, he just pulled these down off the wall and licked all the paint off, he didn't shred the paper)
1 teva flip flop
9 dog toys (6 of which were labeled "chew proof")
12 lincoln logs
3 Polly Pocket dolls and/or accessories
4 Barbies (I have to admit, finding the turd in the backyard with the Barbie hand poking up out of it *did* give me a good laugh for the day)
1 TMNT (that's teenage mutant ninja turtle for the non-parent out there)
1 DVD case (actually Chris didn't know about that one until now--he tends to value electronics items more than the average bear)
1 yard of polyester batting (purchased to make bed #4 for the idiot dog)
1 Simplicity pattern #4790
5 Little People (no worries non-parents --this is a brand of toy)
1 rip cord for a toy car
6 pencils
1 ink pen (thankfully this took place on the washable kitchen floor)
1 bulk package of Bounty paper towels (this one was also amusing as all the green ink on the packaging activates when drooled on so the dog was actually green for a few days)
1 Thomas the Train (and several segments of track)
1 pair of sunglasses
1 Reebok tennis shoe (only the plastic tips to the laces actually, but he pulled the laces out in the process and by fraying the plastic tips rendered it impossible to re-lace them)
1 pirate ship birthday cake (actually only one corner, my Grandfather caught him in the act. My apologies to anyone who attended the party and ate the cake, but I didn't have time to re-make it. And I did cut off the chewed parts and filled in with icing.)
1 metal dog crate (note: in order to keep this dog IN the crate when we leave it has to be placed on non-skid rug mats, tethered to an oak dresser with not one but two bungee cords, turned around so that the door faces the dresser and have a 26 inch cinder block placed in front of it. Oh, and all the joints of the crate have been reinforced with multiple cable ties. The entire process of getting the dog into the crate takes fifteen minutes and a forklift)
1 roll of toilet paper
6 rolls of paper towels (which should have been included previously, I apologize for the omission)
1 board game
2 books
27 legos
3 pieces of play food
5 crab mallets
1 box of crayola crayons (8 count box) minus the red one (no wait, sorry--that was the only thing our other *good* dog has ever chewed up in her angelic life)
Just a side note, as I'm sitting here writing this (and tuning out the sounds of yelling and banging coming from the laundry room) it occurs to me that child #3 has not bothered me recently and now I'm realizing that he's the one banging and yelling "let me out" so I find this when I investigate:
When I called Liz down to explain why she locked her little brother in the crate she responded not with "I'm sorry for locking him in the crate" or "I won't do it again" Nope, she said "Oh, sorry Mom, I forgot about him." As if locking a three year old in a dog crate is perfectly acceptable so long as you remember to let him out at some point.
So back to my list: (just a few more)
3 blue plastic grocery bags
1/2 box of Candy Kitchen peanut butter kisses (in wax paper wrappers)
1 partial package of somewhat frozen raw chicken breasts (which he retrieved from the kitchen sink while they were defrosting)
1 turquoise tutu
1 pink feather boa
2 pacifiers
1 balloon animal alligator
12 feminine hygiene products (used of course)
1 used condom (took me a while during poop cleanup to figure out what THAT was)
1 tube of chapstick
That being said--the following ad is being placed:
"Free to any home (other than ours)-- one ten month old mixed breed puppy . . . . . "
2 comments:
Liz has always been my favorite of the 2-legged Wagner children. :)
Sam! Stinkin' adorable even locked in a puppy crate!
I am having Little Wagner withdrawl.
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