Why You Shouldn't Leave Toddlers Unattended

So much pressure you people put on me! I don't post for a few days and my email inbox is overflowing with complaints--jeez! Give a working woman a break. Oh wait--I don't work-- I forgot. According to Chris, I sit around all day watching TV and eating bon-bons while the children play quietly in another room. Yep. That's EXACTLY how my day goes.
So what to write about. . . hmmmm, how about an oldie but goodie? I apologize to any out there who have heard this one. . .

This was back when Sam was just learning to talk and only said a handful of words, he was around 2 years old I guess and was just as much of a trouble maker as he is now. I had been baking and decorating sugar cookies so there was a large (emphasis on large) tub of colored cake sprinkles on the table--you know the little tiny balls that are all different colors? We always called them bally balls for some reason. I hear the sounds of a thousand little tap tap taps coming from the kitchen followed by a little voice saying "uh-oh". Not a good sign. I investigate and find that Sam has dumped the container out on the table, it has spilled over onto the chair AND all over the kitchen floor. It looked like this:






So I learned a few lessons that day and here they are:

1. A large mixed breed german shepherd dog will only lick up about 6 square inches of randomly scattered cake sprinkles before wandering away bored.
2. A 2-year-old will however, mimic the dog and lick the floor while giggling uncontrollably until he is physically removed from the premises and a gate is placed between him and the area.
3. Cake nonpareils (a.k.a. "bally-balls") when dropped on a vinyl kitchen floor, will continue to bounce around until they have spread out and covered every possible square inch of that floor. They will bounce an average of 32 times before coming to rest under the stove where the vacuum attachment can't reach them.
4. The vibration of the aforementioned vacuum causes previously at rest sprinkles to begin rolling away making it nearly impossible to vacuum them all up.
5. Randomly scattered rainbow sprinkles (while making the kitchen floor look pretty) making a sickening crunching sound when you walk on them.
6. Sam learned to say the word "crunch" that day.
7. When you attempt to mop up remaining renegade sprinkles that have evaded the vacuum, the water activates the dye in said sprinkles causing lovely streaks of rainbow color across the vinyl flooring.
8. Randomly scattered sprinkles are rather effective in causing 2-year-olds to slip and fall. Repeatedly.
9. Ants are VERY attracted to cake bally-balls.
10. It takes about 8 months of cleaning and having ants carry them off before you can't easily spot at least one stray bally ball on the floor after a spill such as this one. (But then again, we haven't moved the bakers rack or the pantry. . . )